一厢情愿是一种烦恼

Emo-ness hits me hard. Feel like crying. Why am i so pessimistic?

I guess I am under great pressure. Thats why i cant control my emotions.

Exams in progress….

Buck up…

I miss him….

How could i doubt about him…? Am i feeling insecure?

I just cant figure out what caused me to think so badly.

I seriously need brainwash, arhh...

2 more months, he will be back...i am looking forward to his coming home.

It's just a weary song, i dont understand how it can swing my mood exactly.

I am too sentimental liao.

Hey Lynne, you are a stupid nut. grr....

Sleepless Nights

Shedding tears in the middle of the nights

I couldn't fall asleep.

I guess i have insomnia...and maybe, a little depressed.

No, there is no problem with my studies.

Though i feel stressed.

No, there is no problem in my relationship.

We are just fine.

I am okay. I still can cope with them.

Perhaps i need a treatment with TCA or a tranquiliser. 

I am asking for nothing else,

but some things that i have been long for.

Hopefully things will turn better in years.

I am learning not to simply lose my composure.

I am learning how to see the irregularities of life normally.  

I pray...
please listen to the voice of my heart if YOU feel me...

The look of love is in my eyes

Tears flow.

I am now back to the place where i belong.

My home. 

Seriously,

I miss my parents so much now

even though they are just right here beside me...

It's the same feeling i have towards my lover.

I saw my papa's smile today.

I saw the look of happiness in my mama's eyes.

I know.

They are the most important persons in my life.

They are, irreplaceable.

They are the greatest parents.

I love them...

I miss them...

I will bring this smile and the look with me wherever i go.

I swear...

变化莫测的我

哦~ 其实今天的心情基本上一直都是很down 的。

神经质得自己突然大哭起来，无法控制自己的情绪。

妮说我的眼泪要被珍惜。。。不能一直这样哭。

所以我总觉得自己真得很没用。。。

一难过就无法自拔。。也许真的是太空虚了。。

心情低落得想一个人去吃三文鱼生鱼片来让自己快乐些。。。

敏敏叫我去看电影，我都很难为的拒绝了。。就单纯的想一个人静一静~

妮知道我一个人很辛苦很难过。。。

结果海派地叫我跟敏敏还有他的两个男生朋友们出去看看电影，或许心情可以好些。。。

我就听话的去看了场。。。<恋爱通告>

 哦!!!我要说，这电影实在是太好看了。。。

除了杜明汉和宋晓清间纯纯的友情和爱情~

中间夹杂了许多搞笑的情景~

喜爱华乐的知音们~这真的是个很不错的电影。。。

开始时有点小废~可是你不得不爱上他们~

最喜欢四重奏的部分~还有力宏唱<你不知道的事>那部分。。。

每个情节都紧扣着我的心~

总之就是很赞的说~

然后呢，我买了我超爱的 Baskin Robin 的绿茶冰淇淋和葡萄朗姆酒冰淇淋~

今天是三十一号嘛~hiak :p

看来接下来的几天，心情都会很好了说~
可以大口大口吃了！

还有还有~当然我也吃到了ebikko sushi 还有salmon sashimi~

朋友还带了我们去雪花栈吃了好好吃的冰点~

吖吖~

整个人的心情都甜起来了~ 

或许

我就是那么容易满足吧~

[♥]

It's his 4th day in HK...

I still cannot accept the fact that he is already there...

 I wonder why...

Perhaps our physical distance is even further away? Actually that's not a big deal...

I should have already used to staying alone without him. 
Why am i still feeling lost? 

seriously i miss him really much!

From the day he steps into my life, things have really been changing...

what i perceived of myself in a relationship before: an independent and a tough me,

had already gone.

I realize i can be so weak.... i am just an ordinary girl.

I have just become more and more relying on him.

It's not a habit though.

When he was in JB or Sg, i could receive few calls and texts from him every week.

After the first call he made to me once he reached HK,

i hardly receive a call or a text from him.

It's expensive and i understand.

So my phone is now already in hibernating state...haa...

there we just make use of skype.

 And, whenever we miss each other, we leave messages in the inbox .

I still can order him to play country story, do this and that for me. :p

Life goes on as usual.

But i am missing him more and more from days to days.

My emotions will go up and down every time i read his blog...

I am not blinded by his magic anyway :p

Recently he blogs more intensively...

He updates everyday and those posts make my every little day.

He does so to let me know how he is doing there...

Really hope that he can soon adapt to the new environment 

and pick up Cantonese in no time.

He is a fast learner, i have faith in him.

I am really grateful. 

Thank gods!

=================================================

Just came back from my sweet home ytd...

had really enjoyed those days staying at home...

 my youngest bro didn't bully me :)

it's so much blissful to eat my mum's cooking.

i seriously don't like and still couldn't accept KL food (except Japanese food).

salty and oily. (i'm sorry, no offence yea....)

My taste buds are not choosy, i just ask for some bland yet tasty food

I can eat alot. But i just can't make myself to eat more when i am here. 

Every time when i face those food, my appetite will just automatically turn off.

I don't want to waste food though. 

Therefore i always force myself to finish them all. Barely i could.

Still have 2+ years to go... 

Anyway, i should make myself do it even i dont like it.

 Hey Choon Ling, eat more!!!

===============================================

Tmr is National Day.  

Parents wont be around for the whole next week as they go traveling. 

Babies said they want to see giraffe....

so papa and mama are going to bring my nieces to Malacca Zoo.

 I said, should bring them to the crocodile farm. 

Those who are naughty will be fed.

Those who don't eat much and are very small size, 
will be eaten up by crocs in few seconds.

They were frightened lol. I am bad. Not in purpose though.

They are now already at kinder one. Learning still in progress :)

================================================ 

It's now already week 7 :(

So many things to do, yet so little time. 

Presentation, assignments, reports and tests

are coming up in 5 week time.

Hopefully i can cope with them...

   must buck up Choon Ling.

Yankee Doodle....

The song and melody of yankee doodle keep going around in my mind....

Lying on his arm as my pillow and his hug as my bed...

He sang rock-a-bye baby to make me asleep

and later this song to me to cheer me up...

   yankee doodle went to town

  and riding on a pony

  he stuck a feather in his hat 

  and called it macaroni.........

the whole night he sang many songs to me...

I like yankee doodle the most....sob :'(

Just sent him off at Changi airport in the early morning 6 o'clock,with his parents ...

we reached the airport about 430am....didnt have much sleep b4 that (half an hour i think?)

sigh..... looking at his back......he entered the departure hall and slowly disappeared away from the crowd....

felt very sad but he advised me not to cry....As i promised, i did not cry...

After back to my home around 7am, i took a nap till 11 sth, when i woke up, it was raining heavily with thunders and lightnings, and i felt terribly lonely suddenly.....

it made me think of him again and again.....started to cry...so lost without him :'(

He reached HK safe and soundly, but i have no other ways to contact him other than leaving him messages online...the first call he made to me was in the afternoon 4 or 5...he called me first b4 his parents, i somehow got touched....

I feel extremely happy for him actually....coz it's not easy to get such a great opportunity to be an exchange student in NUS...I believe that this trip will surely widen his sight and broaden his mind...i do hope he can really enjoy the life over there, studying happily and playing hard....

he said....

he was once a little kid. After PLKN, he became a young boy...Now he going to HK, he told me confidently that when he is back, he will be the Real man.....

His parents and me have already planned to go HK after my exam finished, his elder sis will go along as well... haha think it will be a san fu trip :p coz his sis now carrying a big meatball ha...

ngo ngoi lei ...lei zi gei ziu gu zi gei yea...erm sai dam san ngo geh! nou lik fan dau yea... 
i am waiting to eat ju yok low xu fan with you o hehe :D

First Year....

21st August 2010...

It's finally our first year anniversary! Sob...

yet, we weren't able to celebrate it together on this special day...

However, to me, my every day has become valentine's day and "dailiversary" since the day he steps into my world... I am serious, he has never failed his part as a good boyf... 

Time flies...those days and months in the past year were not easy for us, as mostly we are separated in different states... We may be fated to meet each other after 9 years of separation (we were actually classmates of primary time)... Yet, from the first day since we have been bonded to this committed relationship, we are fated to be apart... 

Heaven mismatching us in this relationship, playing prank on us, making us suffer, but she has never put us on the verge of tears... we cherish each other most whenever we get the chance to meet, we treasure the moments we have...even when we quarrel, we are also able to handle it well in no time...so, i do think heaven is fair to us, she makes our relationship grow stronger and more stable every seconds...

i hardly see him in a few months... and i know this is quite tormenting to him, as i have the same feeling too... he always feels insecure whenever i am not with him...he worries about me much, he is scared that i couldnt take good care of myself well... He is even scared of i might abandon him one day... For me, that's a no-no...It's impossible for me to do that right now and following years or decades...I used to be a strong girl with tough heart... but now, he melts my heart, i am no longer that strong that i always relying on him then... :)

i know it's ridiculous to make promises as it's difficult to foresee how things will work out in the future... coz people say, promises are easy to make but difficult to achieve... I am not fooling myself with those unrealistic fairy tales though... he is the charming prince riding on his white horse, saving me from the sorrow, with no tears flowing and heart aching... (though sometimes i cry becoz of him haha :p)

I know myself. We seriously have faith in ourselves...

We are One....and the distance between us is -1.

I HEART HIM. Bearby ♥